A Morning Alone

26 Feb

I have the day off from work today and all three of my kids are at school.  It’s sunny outside.  And before we walked into the preschool Gus and I stopped to listen to the birds chattering.  The impending sound of spring. I said they’re so happy, aren’t they? And he replied, yes they are because now they can play with their toys…. wait… do birds have toys.  And I replied, Of course they do!  They have wings!  which seemed to satisfy his four year old brain immensely.

It was a nice way to start the day because just minutes earlier he was angry at me and giving me the silent treatment because I took screens away from him after school for disobeying me and being disrespectful when we were trying to get out the door for the morning.

I’m grateful for the sweet little conversation about birds.  And he seemed to be too.

I had a brutal day at work on Saturday and I am still not fully recovered from it.  Yesterday I felt like I was recovering from the worst hangover of my life.  My theory is that my adrenaline was pumping so fast and hard all day Saturday that my body basically collapsed in on itself on Sunday.  I had to go to a Scouting event Sunday afternoon and I was nervous that my face looked as exhausted as it felt.  If it did, no one really said anything.

I still don’t really feel fully physically recovered today which seems weird.  I told this to Henry as we drove to school and didn’t he think it was weird that I was still worn out from work 2 days ago? (He did.)  He seized on this point as an opportunity to express that he does not think it is fair that I get to rest today on a Monday when he has to go to school. And how he is tired of grown ups telling him that what he does is not work because he actually does work very hard at school and then it sent him into a spiral of talking about all the things in his life that he thinks are unfair.

Internet, truth be told, I wanted to reach in the back seat and slap him for taking like that because I just can not even cope with comfortable, healthy, beloved people talking about how life is not fair to them at the moment.  I have no space for it in my brain.  But he is my son, a human that I deeply love.  He is also only 8.  And frankly, at this moment in his life, his proclivity for discontent is essentially Craig’s and my responsibility. So I worked on it in the drop off line. We chipped away at that big “unfair” chip he often hoists up onto his shoulder.

I left the dog outside during drop off because she enjoys eating rabbit poop in the yard.  I normally FREAK out about her eating the rabbit poop and demand for her to come inside because it makes me so sick to my stomach that I feel like I’m going to vomit.  But today, I just let her have the moment because I didn’t have to think about it while I was gone.  She’s getting lots of gray all over her head and snout.  And she is truly one of the most gentle, shy little souls who ever walked this planet. So I let her feast on poop and then I gave her a greenie. I’ll take her for a short walk later.  She can’t handle distances.  But we’ll just take it slow today and listen for the birds.

 

 

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